Sad news I already knew, bollocks bollocks bollocks, shoehorn David Beckham on to the back page and PRINT!
But the broadsheets could learn one thing from Britain's self confessed, favourite rag........
The Sun Always Shines, On Page 3:
I had the misfortune of reading The Sun today.
Gail Porter's still bald.
And a man who looks like Kim Jong-il,
can't get a date.
I'd suggest he stop dressing in military uniform,
to detract from the similarity
and thereby stop Jesus weeping.
Of course, even The Sun leads with the tragic.
Those poor, poor lads in Afghanistan.
The ones they left behind,
Lives ripped apart.
Prayers and thoughts,
rain down upon them.
Unlikely to be of any comfort.
Then onwards and to the Mancs,
who got beat in Europe last night.
I'd let that pass me by.
Rotund songstress, Adele,
is moving to Brighton.
I'd suggest that's entirely the wrong place for her,
if she really does like a, 'lovely stick of rock'.
Oh! How I wish the more cultured newspapers,
had naked breasts as a fixture.
It'd be a match made in heaven,
for me, would that.
Rupert's rag doesn't get much right.
But I have to be fair and admit,
the Sun does always shine, on Page 3.
© Paul David Hogan 2012